WHO COMES FIRST, MY MOTHER OR MY WIFE?

A young man once asked me:

- Dad, who should I put first, my mother or my wife? - I said to him: -

_Why are you asking me this? - He said to me: -

- I have been married for five years and my wife and my mother have never gotten along, sometimes my mother has even treated my wife badly, so she doesn't even want to see her, so I often find myself in a dilemma, because my wife asks me not to go see my mother and my mother asks me to go see her; My wife tells me not to help my mother financially, but my mother asks me to help her; My wife doesn't want me to take my mother anywhere, but my mother asks me to do it; My wife doesn't even want me to talk to my mother on the phone, but my mother asks me to call her; I don't want to ignore my wife, but I feel like I have an obligation to take care of my mother, so I ask myself: who should I put first, my mother or my wife? -I answered him:-

_ The family one comes from is important and one should not break the ties that bind one to it even when getting married, in addition to observing the fourth commandment of God's law 'You shall honor your father and your mother', It has no expiration date, that is, it is binding for life, although in different ways, depending on the age and the different circumstances in which one finds oneself; Now, when a person gets married, he forms a new family, and this new family is more important to him than the family he comes from, therefore, when in doubt about who he should serve, think first that the family he has formed has priority over the family he comes from, which remains in the background; therefore, without neglecting or lacking charity towards his mother, he should pay attention first to his wife before his mother. The Bible says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). This passage speaks of the priority that the family has over the family from which it descends. This simple command that we find in Genesis is a constant source of problems between spouses if they are not clear about the priorities of their relationship.

When someone gets married, the priority for him or her is the wife or husband. This priority comes before the children and, of course, the parents. The problem is when you do not have clear priorities, or when you are subject to some coercion or dependence of some kind, on the part of the family of origin, especially emotional dependence.

This means that when the son or daughter does not give an immediate response to the parents, they feel guilty. And in order not to feel guilty, you listen to the parents' requests. Of course, this usually leads to conflict with the spouse who feels left behind or postponed. Husbands should keep in mind that love for their mother and their wife are equally important: their mother will always be their mother and they will always owe her respect and love. She raised them and was the first woman who loved them and will continue to love them unconditionally.

But they owe their wife total devotion, care, fervor, protection, etc. These are such different and great loves at the same time that they do not need to conflict. There should not even be a comparison.

You can and should love both. Your mother will always be your mother, but she should never be a reason for your wife to be demeaned. Let's understand, it is not about competition or rivalry, but about putting each person in the place that rightfully belongs to them.

Husbands and wives should strive to have a good marriage and a good relationship with their parents, but always remembering that marriage comes first. The husband and wife should come first, even above their children.

They both freely promised before God to love, respect, protect and care for each other every day of their lives. I hope they always fulfill this.